Life

Being the normal person I am

Photo by Jacob Kelvin on Pexels.com

When I was in middle school or high school in Vietnam, there was a trend of blogging on Yahoo 360. That website was no longer available now. Back then, everyone owned a blog online. As kids, we wrote such naive, optimistic, cheesy things on there. Long essays of how we liked rains, how “loving someone” was so difficult, how angry we were at “life”. Everything that seemed so big then was so little now, so trivial. However, I always thought back about those blogging days and really much appreciated it. Rarely ever again, in the social media network life, was there a trend that encourage teenagers to write. And there should be one.

Teenagers were ones filled with the most emotions. They were young, curious, easily impressed, sensitive and dreamy. That was basically the definition of an artist right there. No wonder teenagers are always so chaotic. Being a teenager was one of the hardest thing I’ve ever done. I had a quite happy teenage years: wasn’t bullied, happy family, good grades, and good friends. Still, I would never wish to go back to those years again.

I didn’t feel like anything was enough when I was a teenager. Maybe because I was at the age where I thought I should be the center of the world, but I wasn’t (obviously). So I didn’t feel like it was enough. I had amazing parents and very good relationship with my sibling. Back then, I felt like they didn’t love me enough and they liked my brother more. I had crushes and even a boyfriend when I was a teenager. I felt like I wasn’t attractive enough romantically to anyone. My boyfriend then wasn’t romantic enough and I was always dreaming of a charming prince that would show up one day. My first break-up was almost like the end of the world to me. I felt like I would never be able to get over it. I listened to sobbing songs I felt like my life wasn’t enough. My life should be something marvelous and not just the simple life of going to school then getting back home. It should be like one of those sci-fi or adventure movie. That one day, someone would show up and tell me that I am the chosen one, that I am the truly special one. Yes, that was probably it. I used to want to be the special one. Not just to a person, not just to my parents, but to the world. I am one of a kind and I have a function that besides me, nobody in this world can do it. I’m irreplaceable and indispensable. So many “should be-s”.

Then I grew out of those feelings. I live a decently normal life. And it was excellent in it own way. I’ve learned to feel gratitude towards the smallest little things in life. To aim for more while being satisfied. To be standing out in a crowd but a normal person during the days. It isn’t easy. It’s a learning process. Everyone is jealous with others’ achievements: whether it’s money, or status, or talent. Everyone is jealous of someone else because they are not the ones standing out. I do too. If you think you are not the jealous type, I bet you are wrong. Everyone is a jealous type. That’s why it’s one of the Seven Sins. It’s not good but it’s normal. I’m learning to suppress those negative feelings. Being better than someone else may do nothing for me. But if I’m better than myself yesterday, it’ll do a lot for me. I’m a normal, average person. I probably would never be the savior of the world or the super human that is so important for the Earth. But I’m trying to get myself to move further, to do better and to be well. In the end, you’ll have to sleep with yourself every night. So care less about others.

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