I remembered a Chinese saying: “if you can pick it up then you can put it down.” And I always thought that was probably one of the most dignifying things a person could do.
When I was young, I have always been proud of myself for never giving up. But the older I got, the more I realized it is way harder to let go.
If that year, I had the gut to let him go early, I wouldn’t be so hateful towards him in the end. I no longer loved him. And probably did he me. But I didn’t hate him and that was the problem. I was young and didn’t learn to let go. I was told love was for forever and I believed it. Probably so did he.
We were together for way longer than we should. We stayed because of the memories, instead of the moments. I got annoyed at him. He got annoyed at me. We snapped a little here and there, but we never fought big. So we still stayed together, because who would break up over milk cap not closed probably?
My family got some serious issues and I was upset and stressed. I was looking for him for some support but he turned me away. He basically told me to deal with it myself. Then, we broke up.
I finally did it, but you know what? I would have rather broken up over the milkcap not closed than over my heart breaking into pieces over the feeling of betrayal. I would have taken all those years back. I didn’t regret the relationship, I regretted not letting go. I picked up the relationship easily, but I didn’t have the gut to “put it down”. And it will always stay with me as a lesson from the young naive days.